“How about those stupid letters from kids to Santa?
*SINBAD WITH CHILD’S VOICE*
‘Dear Santa, send me a bike.’
No! Your father’s been laid off! As if I didn’t have enough pressure, my son wants some goofy-butt toy, some fruity robot named Turtle Man.
You know it’s all a ploy. Don’t you watch TV? We are being set up by rich and powerful toy cartels. These fat cats…using working-class just like me and you. They spend billions of dollars on TV advertisement, and then they sit there, and use subliminal messages… to suck your children’s minds out!
And I know what I’m talking about. I went to junior college for a semester and I studied psychology, so I’m RIGHT in there, I know what’s going on.
Then they make a kid feel like garbage, because you, the father, who’s working 24/7,delivering mail so you can make an alimony payment… to a woman…that slept with EVERYBODY AT THE POST-OFFICE BUT ME!
And then when you get the toy, it breaks, and then you can’t fix it because it’s little cheap plastic!
I’d like to walk in that office, grab him, and just choke him until his eye pops out!”
Sinbad then proceeds to choke a woman, attack a child over a toy, and call out multiple bomb threats.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
